If you’re a woman in Pakistan who has ventured into the land of online dating through dating apps, then you know that women are scarce on these applications and those that do exist have a lot of “interesting” stories to tell. All this is for a whole lot of reasons, the biggest one being that female sexuality and women venturing out to seek a partner is not looked upon positively by society. Women on dating apps in Pakistan risk their character being questioned amongst other things.
This piece is for the women who say ‘fuck you’ to social norms and joined these apps. Y’all are braver than our armed forces, sisters.
And now that you have joined these dating apps, here are just some of the things you will probably think or experience in your time on them.
1. The fear and awkwardness of running into your own brother
The constant fear that your big brother or even a cousin brother will be on the app and come across your profile. We all know shit will hit the fan if that happens because bhaiya can be on the app and get it on with as many women as he wants but God forbid if you try to seek out some companionship! Only arranged marriage for you.
2. The fear of running into a parosi
To make sure your brother, cousin brother, colleague or neighbor does not come across your profile, you make sure you have already gone through all the men in your area and block those you know so that there is no chance of them finding you on the app.
3. The parosi who threatens to rat you out to your family
One of the biggest cards that men on these apps hold against you is the threat to tell your family that you are using dating apps and that you met the guy through it. It is their trump card at times. And it’s scary. If a fling ends badly or you aren’t interested anymore, there is always this threat that they can use.
4. Fearing that everyone at your college or work will find out
I don’t know if any of you ladies feel this way, but every time I become active on these applications, I feel really paranoid the next few days and feel like everyone who I run into is looking at me ‘weirdly’ because they KNOW I am on Tinder! I get extra paranoid around colleagues.
5. Feeling a sense of shame generally because you know, achi bachiyaan aise kaam nahi kartein
Women in our part of the world are discouraged from exploring or expressing their sexuality. So if you choose to do so on these apps, and use them for finding someone for a physical relationship, you might feel a little shame in doing so because of years of being told it’s wrong.
6. Having to plan a quick excuse in case your family does find out
Mine is: OMG, my Instagram is public, I think someone stole my identity! Hopefully, it will work.
7. The struggle of people on the apps being all the same
There are three major cities in the country; Karachi, Lahore and Islamabad. And the people using dating apps in Pakistan are from a small circle from within these cities. You will 100% find at least two mutuals with each one of your matches. The world is way too small.
8. Men who don’t get the signal or understand the meaning of ‘Left Swipe’
If you swipe left on someone, they will seek you out on social media and try to initiate a conversation there. Bro, take the hint. If we didn’t match on the app, we won’t match, period.
9. Underage tharki boys who try to hook up with you
For some reason, these apps are crawling with little boys around the age of 18, who have somehow altered their age on the app so they appear older. It’s gross.
10. Grown men who are still mentally little boys
You would expect guys in their late 20s to act a little more mature than 18-year-olds, but no, not really. They’re also usually just as immature and one dimensional.
11. The constant threat of being slut shamed
The fear of being called a slut is always there on these apps, especially if you rebuff or are not interested in one of the men you matched with.
12. The fear of actually meeting a man in real life who you have connected with online
You always hear these horror stories of women who were date raped or murdered when they met someone off a dating app, and that fear is always in the back of your mind when you’re debating on meeting someone from the app.
13. Being torn between finding ‘The One’ on these apps or just having fun
A lot of people on these apps are just there for nothing in particular. Maybe just hook-up or meeting someone interesting for coffee. And a lot of women I know, including me are in search of something more serious. So we’re constantly hoping to find ‘the one’ on one of these apps, but ladies, ‘the one’ probably doesn’t exist. Sorry. Probably gonna have to settle for your parent’s choice of groom.
What are some other things you have experienced as a woman on these dating apps? Let us know in the comments below.
