I found out I was pregnant in January and it was literally the best day of my life. I couldn’t wait to eat my heart out, I couldn’t wait to pray five times a day without having to skip a week every month, and I couldn’t wait to see my bundle of joy grow.
Well, that happiness didn’t last too long during Ramazan this year.
I was on top of the world during the first week of Ramazan. I was waking up every day for sehri and helping out the family make lassi, put the dishes on the table, and fry a few eggs. It was so much fun to be in the spirit that I felt like I was giving back and taking on responsibility since everyone else was going to be fasting.
While it is extremely important for me to eat, being pregnant during Ramazan, I made sure I was not eating around everyone else.
I was very mindful of everyone fasting and I tried to eat in private and to keep my water drinking to a minimum in public areas of the house. While everyone was aware of the fact I wasn’t fasting, it made me feel better knowing I was not the reason for any temptations. A table full of my favorite foods for iftaari was exciting, especially since my cravings had taken over my life.
The first week of being pregnant in Ramazan was fantastic, but week two took a turn.
I have been fasting since I was 11 years old. I remember begging my mom to wake me up early with the rest of the family and I would proudly tell all of my friends at school that I wasn’t fasting.
For the past 13 years, I have been fasting religiously every single year. The excitement and spirit that comes with every Ramazan season was something that started to fade away this year. I am not fasting, I am not able to join the rest of my family during the morning sehris due to the pain I have been feeling, I am not able to eat during iftaari because I am constantly nauseous and have food aversions. It just doesn’t feel the same.
The only upside I saw to being pregnant in Ramazan was being able to pray five times a day without a break, but boy was I wrong…
I had the fantasy of being the best Muslim this year by reading all of the namaaz immediately after the azaan and to pray in different forms as much as I could. Being able to work from home during COVID-19 was also going to be a plus, but my fantasy did not go as planned.
At the start of week two of Ramazan, I began to have the worst pains I have ever felt in my life. I went from being able to walk properly, being able to sleep on my back, being able to get up from my bed with one swift movement to being in excruciating pain every time I tried to perform any of those activities.
A lot of crying and complaining took place. I was not able to perform the prayers I wanted to, because getting up was/is a struggle. I was no longer waking up for sehri or joining my family when they stayed up. I was/am always so exhausted and just want to sleep or sulk in my misery with my pain by my side.
The idea of a smooth, painless Ramazan suddenly became rocky and painful.
I am still in pain and still not being able to live out my wishes for this season, but I am finally starting to get in a better mindset. I attended an appointment today and was able to get feedback from a doctor regarding my pains. Unfortunately, everything I am feeling is normal to pregnancy and the only thing I can do is pop some Tylenol.
Knowing there is nothing I can do, I have stopped crying and I have started to keep track of what activity makes me feel worse and I have been trying to avoid that. I have started to pray sitting on a chair and it has been life-changing during this time. I am no longer struggling with some of the activities I wished to perform and I feel some level of accomplishment and this is the best I can do at this time.
As the last 10 nights approach, I have a healthier mindset. I plan on praying and giving as much time and physical activity as I can to perform my duties as a Muslim. I plan on making dua for myself and all of my brothers and sisters that are in similar situations, or people that are in need of something. I plan on not being sad anymore but to get my spirit back before Eid, so I can dress up and maybe wear a nice pair of shoes that aren’t my comfortable house slippers.
