Life ain’t easy for you if you cannot cook, especially if you are a girl. In addition to having to hear your ammi jan call you useless and clumsy, you have to mostly rely on frozen food if you are away from home because you just cannot cook even to save your life.
Here are all the struggles that every unable-to-cook-clumsy-piece-of-s**t have gone through:
1. Let’s get this straight, you want to cook but you are just terrible with all the measurements and proportions
Also, maybe, just maybe, you’re also a little lazy too.
2. If you try really hard, there are probably only two things that you can cook and you get even their measurements wrong
“Why do my pancakes look like shapeless, fallen autumn leaves?”
3. In a parallel universe, you have your own cooking show where you make super amazing videos just like the ones on the internet
4. But this is the real world, so you stick to hosting your own imaginary show
You can’t even be bothered to pretend outside of your bed and in your own pathetic kitchen with empty utensils and feel good about yourself.
5. When you finally succeed in doing something big, like boiling an egg, you take pictures of your masterpiece from every angle
And, obviously, you have to put them on instagram/snapchat for the whole world to see.
“Look, I can cook too.”
6. You have to consult your mother’s recipe notebook every time you even try to fry some french fries
That’s because you are just mentally incapable of retaining any cooking related information.
7. Other than boiling an egg, you can also boil sausages and vegetables
And then you mix them together to make… well, something.
8. You are incredibly bad at following instructions even if they are about merely warming some frozen food
Consequently, you mostly end up frying sausages that are meant to be boiled.
9. You have given up on ever attempting any recipes that seem to require more than 5 or 7 ingredients
“Maybe, I am better off without eating it.”
10. You just cannot stand anyone around you when you are attempting to cook because your already feeble mind cannot bear anymore distractions
11. If you finally do end up making a decent dish, you will NEVER EVER be able to replicate it again
Called your friends over for spaghetti that you just learned to make? You end up cooking it in incredibly small quantities that are just not enough for the entire gang.
“Sab thora thora lay lo yaar.”
12. You have considered pouring some milk in a cup and presenting it with biscuits as the highest, most sacred form of cooking AND presentation
Okay, you’ve done more than just consider it. You’ve ACTUALLY presented it as such.
13. And needless to say, you have to hear you ammi tell you how your lack of culinary skills is nothing to be proud of, every day of your lives
Sniff, sniff. Good luck fellow bekaar friends.
