You guys might be wondering why a girl like me, who’s lived in Canada for the last 18 years of her life might want an arranged marriage. It’s 2019 and most people are in favor of choosing their own spouse, which is cool of course, but I feel like that’s not for me – well, at least not anymore.
I’ve been through two heartbreaks, and have experienced too many lies.
My first relationship, I was 15. It lasted four years. He was an American, from New York. And I, a Pakistani Canadian. I can’t deny it was against my better judgment. I knew I shouldn’t have started something where there was no future, but when you’re in the moment – that’s all it is… a moment. We lasted four years, and happy ones too, but all good things come to an end. Our differences were too vast, our religions too distinct and our cultures, too clashing. Our lives didn’t fit together even if our hearts did.
Fast forward to 20, I fell in love with a man 11 years older than myself. I, a Pathan, him a Punjabi. And it was a rush. We met, and this time, I didn’t want to spend 4 years thinking I’d get married so we sped up the process. We got engaged 8 months later. That’s when it started to go downhill. There were lies, and cheating scandals, and ultimately I broke it off.
I’m at a point where I don’t trust my judgment. My parents have always called me naive and I never believed them, but I think I finally do.
You guys have probably heard the quote, “Pyar andha hai” and it honestly couldn’t be truer. I trust my parents more than myself now. They’re more experienced than me, they’re more knowledgable than me, and they know how to judge someone’s character better than I ever could. They know the chances of a successful outcome more than I did as with the American dude. And they know that age is important when thinking about compatibility.
My parents didn’t have an arranged marriage. They were in love and fought to be together. But both say that this has caused massive rifts in their relationships with their in-laws. And therefore, it’s always been them against everyone else. While some of you may say that’s okay, and it made their relationship stronger, and while that’s true – you shouldn’t have to compromise on extended family to be strong.
It’s easier to blame someone else than yourself.
When I was breaking off my engagement, a big part of it was my ego. I was so scared about what my friends and family would say about my decision to marry him and then ultimately leave him. For a month after I found out about the cheating, I wasn’t able to break it off. I couldn’t fathom that I made the wrong decision. And as silly as it sounds, I wouldn’t be able to handle the fact that I fought for someone just to have it turn out to be shit. It seems easier to me that I trust my parents, and if it doesn’t work out, it just doesn’t.
Whether or not arranged marriage is for you, I know this much – it’s the right choice for me. And I’ll update you guys through my marriage when the time comes!
