Hey friends. For those of you who know me from our live sessions, you’ll know I haven’t been writing much. And for those of you who don’t know me, I’ll leave you with a link to my Instagram because you’re about to slide into my DMs thanking me for taking a break from my writing hiatus.

The movie, which is, by all means, a sasta, less consensual, but much better-performed version of ’50 Shades of Gray’ has taken the world by storm and has even catapulted its leads to immense stardom. And, I mean, I get it. But this isn’t a review of how the movie made me feel a bit less lonelier during the lockdown.

No. See. This piece will scientifically and logically break down why the male lead, Michele Morrone, is straight-up a gift bestowed upon humankind. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/CBFm_QICQeP/

Firstly, Michele Morrone is no ordinary man. He is an absolutely drop-dead gorgeous angel. 

Are there other gorgeous men in the world? Sure. Do they compare to Michele? They might, but this piece isn’t about them. I’ll give you a second to stare at the following visual for a better explanation.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CAqcFZEIQ3s/

Also, doesn’t he resemble Sidharth Malhotra? I see it.

Anyway, secondly, Michele Morrone single-handedly possesses the power to take my ovaries for a rollercoaster ride.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CAU7vqLIpME/

According to a 2020 survey conducted by me in a WhatsApp group of thirst-fueled women, everyone was in agreement over the fact that Michele is, indeed, an Adonis sent to bless our eyes. If my survey doesn’t convince you, look at his thirst traps. In any case, I’m sure his 2.4m (and counting) fans will agree.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_w0KvqICbG/

Thirdly, if you’ve seen the movie, this reference is for you: “Are you lost, baby girl?”

Only in your eyes, Michele. Only in your eyes.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_5QXrligUc/

Also, homeboy here has a sexy accent, and honestly, I could hear him talk ALL DAY.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_fRlVqC_sJ/

My man’s ripped as heck, and feels NSFW most days, but I’m not complaining.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-Mks3bCyfI/

ALSO, dude can sing?! Is there anything he can’t do? 

https://www.instagram.com/p/B-mQZh3I98u/

I guess what I’m saying is that this man is the epitome of perfection and he has effectively ruined all men for me. And, you know what? I’m okay with that.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B93-1ofolWC/

Now, I’d like you all to will my existence into his, because all I want to do is tell him that he’s beautiful.

And marry him. But that’ll come later.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B8YXVdGC-oG/

I’m going to fill this piece with a few more thirst traps because while I COULD stop, why would I? I’m doing you guys a favor here.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B73HHNYiQYS/

Honestly…just, wow.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B52qY1rib1u/

Genuinely can’t feel my ovaries anymore haha.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5p7Vjci-Kk/

BRB, about to hit up Photoshop

https://www.instagram.com/p/B6bMoT1C9XA/

I MEAN, COME ON

https://www.instagram.com/p/B7pjrtRJrfg/

Circling back to Michele because jealousy bhi apni jagah theek hai

https://www.instagram.com/p/B39lewQiFc2/

In conclusion…

https://www.instagram.com/p/B3HFW-3ie4l/

…you’re welcome…

https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Q-qLyiLom/

…and a huge thank you to Michele Morrone for existing.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BxrP8bZC27G/

I will now take my leave, low-key (but also high-key) Law of Attracting Michele Morrone into my life. That is all. Thank you for taking the time out to read this pyaas bhari daastan.