If you haven’t already seen it, Zahra Haider’s recent article in Vice, where she talks about her sexual experiences as a teenager in Pakistan, is causing quite a stir. Yes, that’s right. SEXual experiences.

She…had…sex…before…marriage.

Words predominantly used to shut out dissent were thrown her way. The likes of “behayah“, “beghairat“, “besharam” were some of the forerunners in this media frenzy. By calling Zahra out based on her sexuality, based on the number of sexual partners she had stated, the crux of her argument was brought forth which was essentially how it is, for the lack of a better phrase, none of our business.

So let’s dissect the article a little bit, like mature adults (or let’s pretend to be doing so).

But first…

Okay, so here’s what she says about her sexual experiences in Pakistan

The main focus of the article is her experiences with her sexuality in a Pakistan, that she sees as, sexually repressed. If you’re unfamiliar with what sexual repression is, it’s a state in which a person is prevented from expressing his/her sexuality. Some forms of sexual repression include genital mutilation, honor killing and stoning to death.

“Sex in Pakistan is considered a taboo topic.”

Deny it all you want, sex is a taboo topic in Pakistan and we often shy away from talking about the “beyhuda” subject. Think about it, how many of you have had the “sex talk” with your parents? I definitely didn’t. Everything I learned, I learned from the internet and we all know what that leads to. Porn. It leads to consuming porn (just in case you didn’t get where I was going).

In many, probably not all, cases simply talking about the topic of sex causes outrage and piercing looks of judgement. You could argue that the only reason Zahra’s article caught so much attention was because she used “Pakistan” and “sex” in the same sentence.

“[Zia’s] government dismissed women’s rape accusations, instead labelling them as fornicators and sending them to jail.”

Sadly this scarlet lettering of women who talk about sexual independence continues to happen in Pakistan even today. As a result, it only further reinforces the notion that women are inferior to men and we essentially give men a license to rape. And then at the end of it all, it’s the women that bring shame to the family.

That’s why things like this happen:

Or this:

https://twitter.com/nighatdad/status/726010264542412800

“Learning and accepting that people’s opinion of you no longer matter is possibly the most liberating thing in the world. Being indifferent to small-minded judgements and realizing my world does not revolve around theirs, is what helped me combat the weird, toxic judgmental voice inside my head that constantly called me a “gashti” (Urdu word for slut).”

Say what you will, but this is very powerful.

Obviously you’re going to be upset

“Eventually, I was introduced to a completely different environment, surrounded by different people with different cultures, values, and mindsets, which made me realize there is no reason I should be ashamed of being who I want to be, but that’s what happens when you’ve been living in a highly judgmental bubble of society.”

Reading the article (and I read it a few times), it’s understandable as to why people are so upset. There are points where she’s condescending and gives off an air of superiority because of her Western rebirth. Good for her that she’s been able to liberate herself but that doesn’t mean she needs to paint everyone in Pakistan with the same brush.

Pakistan, just like any other country around the world, is a very complicated and sophisticated place. To dismiss the entire country based off of just her experiences not only makes Zahra herself a bit unsophisticated, it also makes her a bit of an asshole (but hey, who isn’t).

 

“Pakistan is an Islamic Republic with the highest porn-watching population in the world.”

So, that bit of information is just flat out wrong. Even though the statistic isn’t central to the article, it’s annoying because she keeps calling Pakistanis the horniest people on the planet. Unless you can call this porn (because we all watched this shit like crazy):

Don’t get so outraged by this

It’s an article someone wrote about their experience. That’s it. Some people will relate to it and some won’t. To some it will be powerful because it encapsulates their own experiences, to others it’ll fly over their heads.

Your opinion doesn’t mean someone else shouldn’t have a different opinion.

Sidenote: A Pakistani girl published an article about sex and didn’t hide her name. Say what you will, that’s really…brave.

But it raises an important topic that we often ignore in Pakistan: SEX

By treating the topic of sex as a taboo, we ignore the topic of sex education as a whole. And by doing so, we’re only giving rise to the problems caused by sexual repression; those being things like genital mutilation, honor killings and stoning. You don’t need someone like Freud to teach you that sex is a normal and natural function.

The frustrations the stem from sexual repression during adolescent evolve into psychological issues in adulthood.

So…let’s start the conversation.

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