Pakistani girls and their choti si dunya can fall apart pretty easily
There’s not much a Pakistani girl can do about it so here goes:
1. When amma doesn’t let you wear sleeveless
Amma dupatta khol kay orrh loongi? NO. This one is a definitive, black and white, big fat NO. Do you want to show your shoulders to the na-mehrams out there? And what about when you lift your arms? OHMYGOD Do you want your armpits to show?!
2. When the darzi turns your kamiz’s boat-neck into a boat-wreck
There there. We’ve all had to face this one, coupled with the Master Saab‘s explanation of how the neckline won’t have fit over your massive head had he not cut it a little deep down to give it a touch of Saima. Master Saab ye aap kya keh rahi hain?!
3. When the rishta aunty wants to make a surprise visit to your bedroom
So it’s that time of the month. And by that I mean when the rishta aunties pour in. Your outfit, hair, eye-liner and tea-bag wali chaaye, everything is on-point. But if there’s one thing that you didn’t bother putting much thought into, it is your bedroom. That’s obviously because rishta-aunty is supposed to stay within her designated territory i.e. the Drawing Room. Why would she need to see any other part of the house? Plot Twist. All of a sudden rishta-aunty needs to use the loo. And while she’s at it, she also wants to take a detour to your bedroom. And that, darling, is when your real sugharpan shall be evaluated. One piece of advice: As practical and attractive your sofa slash closet might appear to you, rishta aunty doesn’t have to see it.
4. Every time Fawad Khan makes a public appearance with his wife and breaks hearts of Pakistani girls everywhere
Fawad and Sadaf make an adorable couple. We wish them the happiest of lives together and hope they always stay as beautiful together as they are. (Just as long as he doesn’t flash that half smile that leaves us all gasping for air)*Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.*
5. When the neighbor wali aunty spots you with your guy-friend
Paros wali aunty has seen you with your male friend and you’re going to hell. You might think he’s just another guy friend you have no romantic affiliation with but judgmental aunty is here to prove you wrong. She will dig into the matter until she starts hallucinating and assures you of having seen you both uncomfortably and unacceptably close.
6. When Khaadi announces a flash sale and you reach the store a bit too late
So you received the customary text five minutes ago and donning your favorite Khaadi Cambric jorra as you make your way to the store, to your utter shock all you see is rows and rows of empty racks. The handful of shirts that remain even seem to have been mauled by Angry Aunties. Tough luck, sweetheart, the trick is to always stay within a 2 feet radius of the outlet. Always.
7. When instead of your fiance your saas puts the engagement ring on your finger
You’re finally tying the knot (haters gon’ hate). Sitting in your monotone grey gown by Mohsin Sons and smiling at the crowd along with your mangaytar, The Moment is finally here. The moment you had pictured in your head ever since you starting eating solids. IS. FINALLY. HERE. When your fiance will kneel down on one knee, take out a princess-cut solitaire and pop the question.
Instead your mother in law sitting next to you opens up a box of Noorani Jewelers, takes out a floral gold ring and puts it on your finger while your fiance sitting next to you is stuffing his face with gulab jamuns.
8. When your mehndi dances are pathetic which are very important to Pakistani girls, of course
If you have potatoes for friends, this might be a very probable scenario in your life. That’s because not all of us have the likes of Osman Khalid Butt and Faizan Ahab in our crew to rock Manali Trance on the mehndi. So unless you want to have a chicken-dance theme, it’d be a safe bet to invest in a choreographer.
9. When your highlights make you look like a drag queen
Yay aik dou washes k baad theek hojaeingay. Whether you agree or not, we’ve all had to deal with streaks/high lights/low lights/ombres that eventually made us look like a sex-change operation gone wrong.
10. When the only size remaining in the kurti you fell in love with is XS
You’ve been exercising your life away in the gym that rips you off of 10k every month yet the only thing you’ve shed so far is tears. A bucket full of tears, that you feel drowning into as you look at your pot belly protruding out of every shirt you try fitting yourself into. But you know what’s the absolute worst? Going to Sapphire and coming to terms with the reality that the only size remaining in your favorite kurti is XS, or 8, or Petite, or whatever the hell they call the size apparently made to fit your index finger.
11. When amma makes you wear a scarf over a t-shirt
As aforementioned, amma always knows how to blow your game. She has sworn to not let you ever be a fashionista because girls who don’t wrap a piece of fabric around their necks are cursed to be rishta repellent.
Amma: Beta, who would want a dupatta-less bahu? Tumhein meri qasam! Galay mein kuch daal lo!
You: Phaansi ka phanda chalay ga?
12. When your crush won’t text you back
Although this one is more of a global tragedy, however for Pakistani girls it’s kind of more pronounced since your crush is Hamza Ali Abbasi and not the creep you are seat-partners with in class.
13. And finally, the nightmare of Pakistani girls everywhere: when the waxing wali screws up
You spent considerable amount of time AND money on a good salon and disposable strips yet as you decide to sensually stroke your arm right after the session (as most of us are unconsciously prompted to) you spot hair. Right there.
The typical Pakistani waxing wali is most likely to say one of the following:
1. Aap razor use kerti hain na? Isi lie.
2. Apki skin he itni moti hai. Pichlay janam mein magarmuch toh nahi theein?
3. Aap nay regular wax choose ki na, isi lie. Fruit wax hoti toh aik baal bhi na rehta. (Implying that, since you’re dirt poor and couldn’t pay for fruit-wax so you deserve to stay hairy).
4. Pehlay kis parlor say wax kerwai thi? Hey Pakistani girls, let us know what other things make you break down? Sound off in the comments below.
