If you’ve been following social media updates lately, you’ll know that a conversation of dire importance has finally picked up in Pakistan. More and more people are coming forward with stories of sexual harassment.

 

Celebrities and influencers speaking about these matters encouraged others to refuse to stay silent. 

Source: MangoBaaz

 

Also read: Harassment Allegations Against Ali Zafar Are Piling Up As More Women Come Forward After Meesha Shafi’s Accusation

 

Women from all walks of life are now naming and shaming perpetrators of sexual harassment as well. 

Source: theguradian.com

 

Also read: More Than 80 Female Students Have Accused This Invigilator For The Federal Board Of Sexual Harassment

 

Suffice to say, the conversation is very real, as is the outcry. 

 

However, people who are not directly involved or affected by the incidents, or have little to no knowledge of the matter think it is their moral duty to state their “random thoughts” on the matter.

Source: Hum Network Limited

Also read: Hamza Ali Abbasi’s “Random Thought” About Harassment Is Getting Him Trolled So Badly

Because the conversation around sexual harassment is extremely important, here’s a simple guide on how not to be an asshole when a victim speaks up about their incident:

 

1. Don’t say shit like, “Are you sure it was harassment?” unless you’re the judge they have come to for relief in the case

Someone who has been harassed sure as hell knows what it was and how it made them feel. They certainly don’t need your validation in this regard. And no, harassment is not a misunderstanding. Victims know the difference.

Source: zenhealth.com.ph

 

2. If you’re not the said judge, details se aap ko kya matlab?

When someone gears up the courage to talk about their traumatic experience of being harassed, the last thing they want to do is to dive into the gruesome details of the horrific incident. So be respectful of their feelings and avoid asking questions like: “What exactly did they say?” “Where exactly did they touch you?” And what are you going to do with these details, anyway?

 

3. Avoid saying shit like, “Pakka publicity stunt hai.”

Declaring yourself as a victim of sexual violence doesn’t earn you any publicity, especially in countries like Pakistan where victims have to withstand character assassination. No one wants to be popular as a victim of abuse or harassment. You don’t get brownie points for being harassed. Always remember this!

 

4. Don’t ask, “Why now?”

Most people get harassed and never tell anyone about it. Reporting the crime toh door ki baat hai. While there are numerous factors that prevent a victim from speaking out against the abuser, it is absolutely a matter of collecting yourself together and feeling safe enough to finally be able to share the truth. This being said, not all victims come out. Most of the victims take these hideous secrets to their grave.

 

5. Victim blaming mat karo yaar

No one is ever “asking for it.” Regardless of what she is wearing and which industry she works in, no one wants to be exploited that way. Even if you don’t believe the victim, do them a favor and leave them alone!

 

6. Slut shaming

“Aesi larkiyon ke saath yehi hota hai.”

“Khud bohat pakeeza hain.”

These are some of the most popular remarks we hear about women who share their account of harassment. Take the incident where the examiner harassed 80 students as an example. People had the nerve to say that the girls stayed silent to get their due share of marks. Matlab hadh hai. 

How difficult is it to understand that absolutely no one deserves to be violated?

Source: dailydot.com

 

7. PLEASE stop saying, “Par proof kahan hai?”

Because everyone should record every living moment of their life, right? Not all harassment takes place on social media or over text messages, so there is LITERALLY no way you can prove it.

 

8. Shouldn’t even be on the list, but don’t crack jokes. 

If someone shares something as serious as an incident of harassment with you and you respond with a joke, then there is something extremely wrong with you. No, it’s not witty. No, we can’t learn to take a joke. This situation calls for seriousness, not humor. If you have a humorous response to sexual harassment, keep it to yourself.

https://twitter.com/NotYourJanan/status/986996436561690624

^This? Not funny.

 

9. Stop blatantly rejecting the allegations… or even accepting them. So basically, as a third party you should just shut up and let the person who is sharing their story say their version in a safe space

“It’s a lie.”

Some people simply live in denial. Just because you can’t believe it happened, doesn’t mean it never happened. Sometimes it is difficult to accept the truth, especially, when it is about someone you have idolized or known for a long time but this doesn’t mean it can’t be true.

 

10. Don’t compare your situation with the victim’s or make it about yourself

When someone who is popular and has a reputation is accused of harassment, there are a number of people who come out and say, “Oh, but he never did it to me!” Well, then you are lucky! Just because person X did it to her and not you, doesn’t mean it’s the victim’s fault or that he/she is lying.

 

11. Don’t justify harassment

There are no ifs and buts in harassment.

“Usne kaprey bhi toh waise pehne thay.”

“Woh high lag rahi thee”

“Aisay logon ke saath aisa hee hota hai.”

“Boys will be boys.”

NO. Don’t you normalize harassment by saying this! NOTHING can justify this heinous act.

 

12. Don’t vouch for the harasser

Just because the harasser has a wife and a beautiful daughter doesn’t mean he is incapable of exploiting someone else. I shouldn’t have to break this to you but there are men out there who rape and abuse their own wives (don’t even get me started on marital rape), daughters (yes, that happens) and sisters (yes, that too). Just because they are “nice people” or have happy families or are women rights activists, doesn’t mean they can’t harass someone.

 

13. Stop with your own verdicts

No offense, but no one cares what you think about the whole ordeal unless you were directly involved or affected by the incident. You are not a judge and therefore have no right to pass a verdict on who is innocent and who’s “making things up.”

Next time when someone shares their experience of sexual harassment, try not being a jerk and show some empathy, please? Ab toh yeh guide bhi hai. And if we’re forgetting any points, let us know in the comments below. To all the people trying to speak up, we’re with you. Keep at it. Let’s change the game by establishing the #MeToo movement in Pakistan.

 

Here’s How Social Media Is Being Used By Pakistani Students To Battle Sexual Harassment And Expose Predators